“What you know you can’t explain, but you feel it. You’ve felt it your entire life, that there’s something wrong with the world. You don’t know what it is, but it’s there, like a splinter in your mind, driving you mad”.
Ever felt like that? I do sometimes. I can’t put my finger on why… perhaps it’s just one of those days where you wake up and you just can’t seem to find yourself amoungst the clutter. Riding the bus to work, walking from the bus to the building, just this kinda lost feeling. Something doesn’t feel right in the world, in yourself, but you can’t place what it is. ‘s very similar to the feeling I get when I drank the previous night… though, I can say I didn’t have any EtOH (or any other alcohol thank you very much) yesternight. Just not sure…
In response Rachel, I am not sure what you mean. Sure, I haven’t been hanging out at LIX, but I’m not sure I’d call that secretive. Working 9-5 M-F, coming home, playing some video games, being with some friends. Yeah, it’s different, but I think I needed a break from the norm. I need someone different. I love all you guys very much, and I probably will be around more this week, but as for the last week, I just needed something different. And not to sound defensive, but I tried to talk a little the other day, but you were far too engrossed in Harry to listen. *sighs* Today is just a weird day. Shit, this whole last weekend has been strange.
Final Fantasy 7… it’s been around 5 years, yet it still strikes me as being a wonderful and painful game. I think it hits a lot of things right on the mark. Pulls you in, gets you to know the characters, then throws a f*cking tire iron at you and watches you lie twitching on the floor from the impact. Not unlike life sometimes… you can’t always dodge the iron… you just have to get back up after writhing in pain for a while. Wow, this sounds really depressing. I can’t say I’ve been in pain for years… real pain. I know people who have, and perhaps that’s why I’ve been in this mood. I’ve taken in more than my poor mind can handle and now it’s feeling the weight of their pain. I hope that’s not the case… I certainly don’t want to stop helping people because I can’t muster the strength to analyze their suffering and then throw it away. I just hope that it isn’t indicative of something in me that the burden has made me aware of.
I can’t say I need someone to talk to right now… because I’m not even sure I would say anything. I’m just going to pass it off as one of those days, and hope it does its thing that goes on its marry way soon. My appologies for lacking in my posts… I’ve been busy entertaining and playing games. If I feel secretive to anyone, all you need to do is ask… I’m never one to turn away a heartful and meaningful question.